Loads of little thoughts running through my mind. It's been 6 mths since i started working, and the next 6mths are going to be like 6 times tougher than the past 6. Was really honeymoon man....sigh. So shld i....shld i not? i dont really have an answer. partly cos i m so indecisive. Right down to even day to day decisions. Esp with intangible stuff.....matters of the heart. things that have no scientific or mathematical evidence to help mi make indecisions.....and i can be really inpractical, illogical at times.

 

well, today went pretty fine.  Had a nice company dinner and reached home earlier than usual. haha..finally for once i reached home, the house is not dark. come to think of it..it's been a real long time since i last reached home before everyone's asleep. Hotel Mama. Doesnt sound good. But i m really sqooshed for time man. and i m really getting old, prematurely. Was talking to an older colleague today who says he feels more settled as he grows older and that at my age he was like super can stay out and play till late that kind. I think i m prematurely aging already. I dun wanna stay out late anymore, realizing the next day i have no strength to wake up and conc. And my stamina really sux. After a while i m tired. If i hvt got like 6 hrs sleep, i end up zombieing next day. I think i m contented to just laze ard on sundays with my baby. I think m getting more homely, except it is not to my home. haha..Is it time i settle down?

 

Haha..that is certainly not a decison i wanna make now...on top on pending decisions and a pretty urgent one too that i gotta make.

 

Confused. yes. very. who can help?

I feel lighter, though i wasnt carrying any burden. I m happy with the ending. I hope it is a best way things could be. :o)

Had sundae @swensons with Merina on a nice warm sunny sunday! It felt not as nice as it used to be. The packaging also not so nice already.  My ice-cream taste is pretty much the same as Merina's, we love Gelato and Ben and Jerry's...no 1 ice cream place, followed by Yogurty ice-cream at Andersens. My 2nd ice cream in 2 days, or perharps in one day, cos was having supper with amit at mac after my last day of work. Happie. Wat's mac without mcflurry! Think: melted and flowy cookies and cream.

 

Went shopping with merina at tampines. she bought a long jacket kind of thing which looks quite unique and nice cos she is gg to hk and shanghai soon. Which reminds mi of if my goodie frens who are intending to hop to IMFS, and if they do, they are gg to be away for mths too. sigh. Me didnt bought anything though i tried on a really cute hot pink blouse with pretty ribbonish pockets at the hips which made it look a lil funnie. else i think i would have bought it! i love cute stuff...

 

stole some time to spend with baby at sengkang in the evening. He's bz too and has 3 tests: CAs and an oral exam which i cannot help and will not elaborate further.;o) cant wait to see u again tmr to get my pendant fixed at vivo. The little gem dropped off without mi realising. Dont think i ll ever find it back. Hope to get it replaced but the feeling wont be the same anymore. Been with me almost everyday for the past 2 yrs and so full of sendimental value.

 

Had BBQ at edelene's place which was really fun, so rare to get everyone gathered having pple to come directly after work. The guys did most of the grilling and we did most of the eating! I love grilled marshmellows. Played zhong ji mi ma and i always kena one but not as sway as poor daniel. Wonder how he's gg to go to work tmr as dunno how many shots of Tequilla and turned into red bull! had a great time and special thanks to edelene for organising and sadly i cant meet rum n raisin. Love furry creatures.

 

Off to bedz...love sunday.

everyday i m asked questions in which i cannot anwer.

Loved my off days.

 

sunday:

Went to celebrate our anniv at Altazzag, an eyptian restaurant in Haji Lane, must say i finally think corriander leave smells and taste good. I guess the combination of herbs and spices in my fish kebabs was marvellous. And i love their potatoe wedges. all soft. no need to poke and choose. Nice place and worth the walk. Would have been better if it was more accessible.

 

monday:

caught gayish comedy: i now pronounce you  chuck and larry. There was this irritating chinese guy who keeps repeating a circle is a circle and that totally reminds me of C C KOH. haha. Nice movie. 9/10. Great destressor. aim to catch more adam sandler shows. He has this cute sleepy eyes. :o)

 

tuesday:

went for buffet dinner @ vienna with my fellow people who have been working so hard for the past few mths w/o a treat from mi. Great variety of food, esp jap food. Gotta know my pple better, their family and all. really great. cos at work i really have no time to talk to them and understand them. I dunno how my bosses managed to talk to everyone under them despite their bz schedules. Mus learn. so more of this outings would b good. But dont 'kok' us to go eat at shangri-la next time just cos we r new and i m unmarried!

 

wednesday:

shopping fun @tm and bugis! long time nv shop already. bought new 3/4 pants which i have been bugging for mths to buy cos i dun wanna keep wearing skirt to work and pple say why all the gals ME in etch wear skirts? I m girlish so love to wear skirt cannot meh? faint. Bought a new baggie, which i really need cos my old bag is flaking off and creating dandruff like stuff on my shoulders. Haha. And my black seashell bag pokes everyone in the wrong places. Therefore....new bag. feels shiok bargaining at bugis street. I muz have been no. one auntie + mad. 

 

thursday - saturday

work.

work

work.

 

time flies. I m growing old. I need to exercise. Doesnt help the fact that everyone ard mi is exercising. One jogging, one tennis, one gym, i m growing fat! even my boss say i must exercise. I must exercise!!!!

 

 

 

 

thanks to boss who didnt realised that today was mooncake fest i had a meeting like in the evening. came down in cabbie and silly cab uncle no change. Haha.tried nets, credit card, all cannot work, i angry le. cos i thot the meeting was at 7 and i was gonna be late. ahha. Fortunately amit came to my rescue. Haha, sounds like superman. Thank You! Then dips say next time he no change ask him to wait outside tiill the meter turned 50 bucks. Prob just in time to drive mi back! ahha. got left over tmr drive mi to mrt.

 

Anyways, the meeting was at 730 so i had some time and went up to see edel mix and match float, which consists of phoenix, half a fire, and other interesting components. Haha. Cant wait to see the final product, except that i cant help cos i m totally bz! Meetin was like a training session, rather relaxed.  Had pizza hut instead of mooncake. Sad. But went to meet dips after work and was happie again. *Hugs* Bumped into merina and frens like of all places, outram park. And she kindly donated her lantern to mi and that made a very very happy chewy! haha...well i was so deprived of a mooncake fest celebration. Dips walked mi home through the park and i was hoping that it would be as dark as possible  so as to emphasize my lantern. It was midnight, the candle burnt out, and i was once again near my blk already. back to reality. tmr still got work v.early. A beautiful Cindrella story. Only thing missing was the dance with the prince.

Cut my hair today. felt light. Shoulder length. ahha. think i look like a school girl. nevermind, i m supposed to be what. haha.cos i m using the student discount voucher, courtesy of dips. Who wan cut hair from reds on weekdays pls tell mi too. Got like a couple more which i cant use all la. else will be like 1K in total! Just on hair!? wow. haha.

 

Anyway, hopefully all the bad luck is cut away with my hair. Hoping to start afresh again with all that shit happening last week. Met up with miaomei and kailing for dinner at manhatthan fish mkt. Had a ear infection but still eating seafood. Oh dear. But poor kailing cannot eat seafood any other time cos desmond hates seafood. Then dips must be really most wonderful cos whatever that is my fav became his fav too! Like cheese and fish! Well certain food like jap food and yoghurt are strictly no no.

 

So back to the dinner at the fish market. We ordered seafood platter for 2, ans as usual, 3 of us cannot finish! People seemed surprised when i say i have like 4 days of off day this week. Like sooo good. haha..yeah, it seemed too good to be true yeah. 

 

What good:

1) Live performance of flaming prawns. (ouch to my poor relatives)

2) Yummy prawns cos they are directly flamed and smell super seafoody!

3) the calamari are more chewable, not like those at fish and co's which can be a little hard to chew.

4) Fish is cooked just right.

 

What fish and co was better at

1) raisin butter rice!

2) mussels with the shell. prefer those to the fried kind at manhanttan.

3) they had more prawns and bigger ones as well.

4) more variety of drinks.

5) the garlic chilli which i m so addicted to which can give mi bad breath for days cos of the unmentionable amt i take.

6) lastly, one of my very first dates with dips was at fish and co, haha..Manhattan fish mkt cannot beat such good memories....awww

 

So..in the end, fish n co wins! But in the end, it is always the company that matters, so nice to catch up with old uni frens, from tshirt and jeans days to officey wear! except mi cos i came from home!

 

Once merina tapped me on the mrt, and i actually had to stare hard for a moment to fig out who is that. Merina leh! haha. how people change. I know i have changed too.

********* *********

 

People say that my job v.good. got alot of freedom. Either 3 or 4 days off per week. Seems too good to be true yeah. Obiviously cant be true. *unleash complain mode*

 

Sometimes on the surface is one thing, actual is another.

 

my colleague, the person who always say he is gg to divorce already if he keeps covering my shift, is down with of all mother illness....chicken pox. Now gotta come back on off days to cover his shift till he recovers. Last min notice. sadz. 

 

faint. now my turn to say, "mi gg to break up already la, if u dont depox urself soon!" 

 

it is pretty unfair comparison actually, considering that his is a marriage, and mine is a r/s. He has to cover shift for 1 mth plus and mine is like 2 weeks max. but well....i m not coping well.

 

If i were given a choice, i rather have not dragged anyone into this unpredictable lifestyle of mine. Why is it so freaking difficult to juggle? last week was well not too good, just as when i was trying to make up for things this week, the spotted animal have to come and disturb. i dont know how to assure u, i m already at wits' end. I dunno how much more the rubber band can stretch, but i know smhow the limit is near. Just one more straw, might be all that it takes. I dunno how the rest do it. I dunno how married pple do it. I dunno how married pple with kids do it. juggle. I thot women are suppose to be good at juggling many things. I m emotionally affected becos u are.

 

I know we can t make any future plans to go out cos i m the limiting factor.
I know it sucks to be rejected time and time again.

I cant always be there whenever u needed mi most.

 

but pls hang on for now, cos i promise things ll improve.

 

today i went back to nus for the 1st time this sem and the arts canteen is really so nice. Went to eat at the burger king with roops and dips, and i really had it my way. cos i wanna eat the mushrooms swiss but dun wan beef. so in the end had a swissy fishy mushy burger. heh! happy, best of all, nus students get 20% off, so that's really great. There is lerk thai and olio cafe too. So nice. Y all the nice things appear after i leave? hmm.hahah 

 

Work today was less stressful cos dont have to go for the afternoon meeting! haha.And the shift was pretty alrights, really much lesser issues too. Y is my shift so stressful? hmm.

 

Tmr is my free day! happie. I think i m going for a swim! and perharps some shopping when it is not so crowded. Still comtemplating what shld i do with the messy mop above my head. is it time i chop off? Muz get a style that doesnt go out of style with a shower cap on the whole day! And there is this thing about haircut where it looks really nice out of salon but once u wash it is back to normal curly wurly. ahaha.

 

Oh yeah, i had a most apt pressie from michie witchie last sunday. she made a teeshirt that says 'i love soft fries'. And the color takes after that of mac! oh man. it is the onli one in the whooole wideee wooorld. And onli for mi! the fries squeezer. had a great meal at popeye's and the biscuit is still the same great taste!plus the yummy mashed potato is NOT made from chicken fats.

 

Hmm...mi thinking of taking a short holiday somewhere near, after mich tempted mi to a bangkok trip with her goodie lobang but all 4 our us cannot find a common 3 days! mi work on wed to sat, dips has skool and mike has to go catch wallabies soon. so sadz. Bintan sounds good. Bananannanana boat! or i think sentosa is good too. i just need an esc, esp cos end of the mth marks smthg really special. Special special. *smiles*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i feel lonely. it's been a long time since i felt this way. all along i thot i really needed some time for myself. But no, i dont. i wanna share it with u. perharps i didnt cherish enough. perharps i was such a piggie on sun. perhaps i shld hv rem i was meeting michie on sun. perhaps i didnt cherish the times u picked mi up after work. perhaps i was quick to blame you. perhaps.perhaps.

I dont feel reassured that things will be better as the semester goes into full swing. I yearn for a little attention, a little more affection.

 

old frens are ind gold. Feels so nice catching up a little with them, makes mi feel that i indeed shared a past with some nice frens, and i did made a difference. 

 

Attended farah's engagement on the 12 Aug, just before i zoomed off to work as i was working night shift. But it was so sweet seeing close friends getting married or engaged. Like their love is in the air, and the feeling is so contagious. So happie for them. :o) and amazingly farah's parents still remembers me and where i stay! amazing. and her younger sis looks just like the way she was when we were in pri skool. Just in the blink of an eye, she is going to enter into real adulthood, entering a new phase of life. It just feels like she has suddenly grown up. when will my turn be? Haha.

 

Had the cheese fondue pizza with merina, piggy and qihui and we r such big cheese lovers that we actually have to thick-skinned ask if can refill the fondue. Haha. in the end too full, then muz dabao. too bad the cheese cannot da bao. Had a great time talking and talking until gotta ask the waitress for iced water cos talk till v.thirsty. Then me and merina cannot stop talking even till i walked her all the way back to the simei bridge, we were still talking, like a waterfall! haha. Miss you guys alot! And thanks for the cute neo print camera which will take some time to figure out how to use cos the instructions all in jap. haha.but it is really really cute! Once i figured out how to use i m going to bring it for every outing with frens and stuff. :o)

 

Met up with chunwei and yvon and had a great time shopping at little india, esp playing with all the interesting jewellery, which we wanted to get for tina. i think i m pretty attracted to indian culture, not just cos of dips, but also cos i love the food and the elaborate details.  If not for my workplace, i would love to have a henna painting too. haha.nvm, mb next time draw in some unseen location just for fun. Hee

 

Watched license to wed with dunstan, edel and mavis while amit was doing his license to sleep. Got the movie pass from signing up for the citibank account at the roadshow in the tech cafeteria, where we inter-recommend 2 frens to get a free movie pass. Yippie. Nice comedy. Esp the bluey shit coming out from the robot baby, which kinda reminds mi of some bubblegum flavoured mr softee. Hee

 

I dont want to get back to work! esp my 360 boss whose line of sight is 360 deg.

 

 

I think this has been the happiest birthday i have ever had so far all my life. esp when i have been feeling down for the past few days due to a series of suay events, but frens really really made my day.

 

I have been working night shift for the past 3 days and i m so touched i to receive morning calls at 6pm to wake mi up considering i m such a pig, and all the jiayou msges i received to encourage mi to tahan thro the night. And seeing familiar faces in the morning can just make all that 12 hrs seem nothing. I feel so loved!

 

A big thanks to....

 

farah and ryhan,my dear frens since pri skool, thanks for celebrating my birthday, though we meet once in a real blue moon, each time we do, it is really a different phase of our lives, so there is always juicy bits of our lives to dig out each time to share.

 

edelene, mavis, amit, dunstan and daniel for decorating my table with my fav stuff and esp the EEYORE so i dont have to keep stealing the one in edelene's car and dunstan for cmg down all the way to paya lebar for dinner despite the injured foot from kicking the wrong thing?

 

and of course baby dips for celebrating my birthday for the 1st time together on the actual day. And bringing me out for a cheesy dinner, even volunteering to order your most ?disgusted? yoghurt. We shall save that on your birthday. Today also marks the exact 2 yrs since we have known each other. 2 yrs on, i m still so in love.

 

And i m still so high with happinesses, in plural.

 

Thanks everyone.

yes i m finalli back from hanoi, havent got time to upload all the pics and shall blog abt the trip in another post. It was really really damn sway that merina couldnt come with us due to her visa problems and i was pretty sianz and our spirits was dampened. But it turned out to be a fun filled and v.adventurous trip with some self created adventures along the way. Hee.

 

Today dips just left for his trekking trip in msia and ll be back onli on sat. Sobz. But tmr i m gg to have a fun filled day at settlers with merina and gang and thurs at ubin with yvon and chunwei, so that's gg to keep mi occupied and less lonely and less moody. Fri i m gg to start my 1st day of work at TECH. I m so anxious. Wonder how ll my new colleagues be like. Hopefully they are nice and friendly.

 

miss my baby.

Sigh

it has been some time since i last went to ECP but every time i go there, i always feel very relaxed and the whole atmosphere is very laid back. Like pple sitting at starbucks the whole day slowly sipping their coffee without any care in the world. Where can we actually see this? In city hall, the office crowd are always moving swiftly, like what dips says, rush to wait, wait to rush.

 

I had a great time with a couple of rovers frens, junwei and vinodh who came a lil later cos he was "running around naked". haha. We, the group of engineers and a pharmacist, tried to fly a kite and.......the total "airtime" was half an hour, which is amazing. But like not very easy to handle leh. Apparently we were too rough with it cos the kite ended up with an injury and had to be plastered. I want to learn how to fly a kite again. Cos i rem the last time i flew (which was many yrs ago cos i rem my height was at my fathers beer belly level) it actually flew quite high till i didnt hold on to it properly and it drifted away with the wind! i was so upset then.

 

Oh i finally learned how to blade a little better with the help of dips. But was still too slow to catch up with the bikes. Haha. sorry to make the whole group of bikers wait and wait. but i just cant get my fat leg to move any faster! haha.with time i shall be weaving in and out in ECP. Hahaha..

 

Finally we played soccer which was pretty fun cos no rules! ahah...u decide whether the ball is out or not. ahha. i feel like a kampung kid playing soccer without shoes and all. ahhaha. but it was v.fun. Did my team won? haha..i cant rem! lol..not v.impt.

 

i shld come to ecp more oft, this place of happiness. feels better than sentosa somehow. Mb cos nearer and not so classy plus cheap n nice food!

Dear Bloggie,

i m so happy today that i cant help smiling the whole day. cos i think it has been such a long time since i went out with dips, it is not the after skool kinda rush shopping or dinner but the freaking whole day w/o feeling guilty cos of some skool stuff bugging mi at the back of my head. I m almost done with my thesis. Kinda like 90% completed.Left my mentor to look thro and off i go and graduate! basically i dont care what grade i get anymore cos it wont put up anything anyway. But if i get an A of course i dont mind la. At least end off in a good note. No A for 4 yrs is just so pathetic. haiz.but nvm, i wont be a loser for life without As, gonna contribute more than just carbon dioxide to this lovely earth. :o)

 

i nv experience such joy for so long, the feeling is so high that i feel that i m on drugs. haha.

 

Dips got mi a long skirt which caught my eye at first but i was hesitant to buy cos it is kinda artsy fartsy and i dont really know if my frens will find mi weird in it, so i was pretty indecisive and dips got really pissed off at why i m so concerned about what others' think and not following my heart, but then again, fren's opinions mean everything what, cos we are wearing clothes for others to see what, most of the time i dont see how i look unless i m in front of a mirror. So pple's opinion still matters to mi. Now back home, i dont regret buying it cos it look so beautiful and it matches loads of stuff, unlike my white long skirt, which only matches a white blouse.

 

Wanted to hunt for smthg for dips for his bday but he was so being such a ----tooot---- that he dont wan this and that, which i think a wallet is pretty essential for his new cards before his super stiff wallet breaks all the cards. So hope he changes his mind, and hope there are nicer wallets out there, which are soft, cannot have zip for coins, muzz have loads of card compartments, coin compartment too, not too striking, haha. strict criteria. Nothing beats the stricter criteria for the house standing fan. Muz be maroon, tall, either mitsubishi or philips, no kuching kura brand. 1st criteria already damn hard. who manufacture fans in maroon? Who got lobang for bloody coloured fan pls tell mi k?.:o)

 

After that we went around the whole of sim liim hunting for a lappy bag which i think the targus checkered one is really nice but he says looks like his oakley baggie. So went to tried a belt but had so much trouble taking it out, then other designs were too flashy.Aiyah. Sigh. so what to get? i m so bothered. haha

 

After all the tired shopping we went to tcc and they have really nice frappe and most imptly nice seats. We sat there and chatted for hours without a care in the world. I love chatting with dips, cos i can talk to him anything under the sun and we just cant seem to stop till the pple have to take our empty glasses away which is a big hint that we better leave and clear the place for other people to come in. Dinner was al fresco but al cheapo at the coffee shop opposite bugis junction but i m in such a great mood that everything taste fabulous. haha.

 

I guess bread and water is enough for mi. If everyday was like today.:o) 

 

Been feeling a little relax and a little guilty too, but i dunno why. I ll just have to get used to this nice feeling. Anyways, I am taking my own sweet time to edit my fyp thesis, after one week of editing..ta dah...one page more! haha..but changed alot of stuff in the middle too. Especially stupid careless grammar mistakes.

 

Went bowling with merina, sherrine and huiling ytd at tampines safra. Been such a long time since i last met up with them. And i bowling really sux. According to huiling, i played half the game only cos the other half of the time all went down the longkang. Haha. Looks like i really need more practise. But then i paired up with merina, the best player of the day and our scores improved! or rather my score improved! haha. Then merina went to get a haircut despite initial reservations, like working adult muz keep longer hair to look more mature and stuff but it was absolutely not true. Initially the haircut looked normal, but then with the magic hands of the hairdresser and some mud, she transformed the hairstyle into something really stylish and more outstanding. Wow.

 

Bought a nice pooh polo-tee from giordano ytd too. I m all ready for work at tech. Haha.cos their dress code for the top is minimal polo tee, according to them cos smtimes we gotta make presentations and if you r looking tired, a smart polo tee will at least wow the audience. Haha.she's really cute. I guess one of the reasons that made mi accept the job is that the hr pple are really friendly and funny too, in their own way. I think sf fits into them really well, so i hope she really gets the hr job. Well, i muz be really obedient for the first few mths and wear polo tee and after that dont care le then can wear anything so long it's covered by a jacket. Haha. One thing i like about the job is i m going to save loads of money and fuss on office wear! No need to iron clothes, no need to wear heels, no need to dress nicely cos everyone looks the same in jumpsuit. Yes i have to jump into the jumpsuit, which really takes some getting used to cos the one i wear for my fyp lab is kinda just like a labcoat. This one has the bunny boots, the headgear and everything. It is really gonna be loads of fuss if i need to go and pee! Which means i cannot drink so much water! Die. ahaha

 

Tmr i ll be gg for a gourmet bbq with mich at sentosa. Thanks michie for the invite! oh i m absolutely looking forward to this like once in a lifetime chance! haha.gotta blog abt it after the event man.  

 

 

 A year ago, i wasnt there to celebrate with you

It felt so sad.

So i m going to make it up this yr,

and it is going to be smthg unforgettable.

So that doesnt make my job seem difficult.:o)

We shall see......:o)

I am also turning 23 soon,

or expecting more respect in your more aged position

  I love my 23 yr old boy and his 23 yr old teddy.

happy birthday, my love.

== chewy ==

I loved doing my fyp actually. As much as the stress i get each week from the weekly meeting with boss and how fickle minded he can be this week and the last, but somehow he always convinced us that he meant the same thing all along, and we interpreted differently the week before. The art of convincing. Why they dont have such modules? How about the art of resisting yourself from being convinced? And i m gg to feel the heat soon if i dont edit my fyp thesis by friday.

 

But i felt that i really learnt alot the past 2 semesters, even though the experiment basically involves around the few equipment. But expeiment is just a part of the whole process. Though brainless, with just a click here and here, there are little details always to take note of, which affects the results, and it is always a constant learning process to find out the best method to get the most accurate readings, or the best readings.

 

The 1^st meeting

 

2 semesters ago, i came into imre for the 1st meeting like a week before the school started. I was wondering why my supervisor was so kiasu. Knowing peanuts about photovoltaic and kinda disoriented after coming back to singapore from germany like a few days ago, i was totally not looking forward to the meeting. Was late for like 15 mins cos i couldnt find the entrance and took hell of a long time with security, finally i entered the meeting room. Shit. bad impression man. 1st meeting late till so jialat. My 2 supervisors were there, together with my mentor and the other fyp student who is also under the same supervisors as me. Then I reached into my bag to take out the summary of the fyp topic I am supposed to do to kinda read a bit. When I reached into my bag, the paper was gone! I have left it with dips earlier. 2^nd shit. Then I borrowed some paper. and when I want to write smthg, I realized no pen! Omg, then I thicked-skinly borrowed a pen. Then then went on and on about kenneth’s (the other fyp student) proj till I almost fell asleep. OMG I was really biting to keep awake. I think I was probably still in germany time then. Still sleeping like 4 or 5 am in the morning and waking up late morning. Then coupled with my supervisor’s thick Chinese accent which really seemed stranger than german accent initially. The other student actually read up on his project scope and really seemed to know what he was supposed to do. So zai. Shit. Spoil market le. Must work hard le. But how to? The following week, I will be flying off to Bangkok, not to “bang cork” like what mitz wrote, but to visit natt, our old sec skool fren, and of course cheap shopping and massage. Who could resist that? Then after the meeting (yes I survived without dozing off!) I was suddenly energetic, but then he gave me a book on photovoltaic devices to read.

 

The 2^nd meeting

 

He immediately asked have I finished the book plus my mentor’s phd qualifying exam report. C’mon it is only the 1^st week of skool. But he was no slack jack. My heart sank when I saw the disappointment on his face. Sigh. 2^nd meeting and such a bad impression. Am I going to get condemned for my fyp for the next 2 semesters?

 

The Lab work

 

Lab work was pretty much no fun. Learning the ropes of handling the equipment, calling up qm whenever smthg fails, which is like all the time. It felt really stressful, having to be so careful and gentle in my hand movements so as not to scratch the sample. Till today, I can never really look through the microscope properly cos when I stand, I tend not to stand still, and as my body sway I cannot see the probe needle clearly and cannot see whether is the needle moving or whether my own body is moving away. But the ultimate stress was switching on the UV lamp. The ignition sound reminds me of the gas hood used for cooking. And sometimes I have to retry for hours before the lamp could ignite. Smtimes, the ignition of the lamp drew such huge currents that the whole lab power supply tripped. And I have to call up my mentor, qm again. By then, I have this extreme fear of switching on the lamp, with my quivering hands and holding my breath each time I turn the knob, praying that it will work. I really dreaded going to lab then, the stressfulness of operating the lamp was just too much. I secretly hope that it will spoilt before it really electrocute me with those huge currents, but then I really pray such will not happen cos the repair will take at least 3mths for which I know is the end of my fyp experiments. So coupled with so many fears, I wasn’t really happy back then, with friends telling me why am I spending so much time on my fyp, esp during the holidays. But the main prob is experiments is just as fickle as can be. Today I may be spending only 3 hours on this shit, but tmr when I repeat the same thing, I may spend the whole day and get nothing out of it.

 

After a while I tried experimenting with the graphs and plotting different variations of parameters, cos I have got a huge load of data then. But in the end almost all were rejected as no trend. No use. Saddening. Smtimes it is so demoralizing that I just cried after the meetings. But who is to understand all this and y the hell an I spending weeks on useless shit?

 

So the new focus of my experiment came accuracy, at whatever cost, I was very determined to show that I really tried my best is avoiding all errors, retaking readings if they didn’t have the straight line trend I wanted. It took a great deal of time. I was on the verge of completion for the whole cycle of readings, just when the UV lamp broke. My life felt really shattered. I felt I have lost my direction suddenly. 3 months without lamp? That is impossible. I would have graduated then. Even if it were repaired, I can never continue the same cycle of readings cos the lamp has changed. To redo the whole cycle is smthg that can never be accomplished

 

Lost and deeply saddened at the loss of the UV lamp, like the death of smthg so close and impt, I wandered aimlessly for the 1^st mth of 2007, doing nothing for fyp, still trying to cope with the loss. I didn’t feel like starting on my report, cos those results at hand weren’t those I wanted to report. I hate it, but I know I have to live with it. I skipped the weekly meeting because I had nothing to report and I didn’t want boss to ask about my thesis report because I haven’t started. Somehow, I was just taking this chance to really enjoy myself. With a one day week, coming to skool for god knows what reason, crashing dips’ socio lecture, it was then I felt totally useless doing nothing and yet not wanting to start my report. So it was then that I decided to take up tuition, to earn some money in my spare time, instead of keep taking money from the house for my increasing expenditure. It was a P6 assignment, twice a week near Tampines JC. After initial hesitation of twice a week, and how am I going to cope with lab + tuition when the lamp comes back, I decided to take up the offer.

 

And after some time the lab really came back, and I was effed for not turning up for regular meetings. So it is back to lab again, I thought I could continue my stuff, but the results of the new lamp can never be compared to the old one because the intensity of the lamp was so much stronger. Despite attempts to lower the intensity to that of the old lamp, the results are not comparable cos the spectrum of the new lamp itself is different from the old one. So all this anticipation of the new lamp and experiments to improve my old results is just wishful thinking.

 

But things took a turn for the better. A batch of samples with totally new material which is 10x better than that I have worked on was fabricated ( thanks to qm and dy who toiled weeks to spin coat layer by layer and all the processing which I know shit about.) Happily, we went to test this new sample, but with really strange response that we dunno how to handle or measure. So after weeks of effing by boss, we finally got the right method and direction.

 

In the midst of all this new experiments, I was rushing my final thesis and presentation as well, time pressure really brings about efficiency. Haha. That’s so me. Little miss procrastinator. Oh the day before my presentation, my boss actually praised mi for my thesis, which made mi over the moon and I cant stop smiling to myself during lunchtime. People muz have thot I m mad. But then again, in subsequent meeting, he corrected my thesis and pointed out errors everywhere which pulled me from the happy moon back down to earth.

 

The Presentation

 

The presentation sux. I really did tried my best to present, trying to put minimal words but that *** attacked almost every sentence in the first few slides. C’mon it is only the introduction part, cant u just take a back seat and listen to me for once? Haha..of course I didn’t say that. But he asked mi so many questions and will keep asking till I cannot give a satisfactory answer and my patience was running low. I zoned out momentarily and asked for the question to be repeated. But I was really touched that boss helped mi a lot when I got stuck in the questions, and asked mi to move on to speak so as not to drag the time. According to dy who sat through my presentation, it took 40 min to clear the 1^st 14 slides, which is not even halfway through. But after a while, the *** asked mi to speed up and of course I am damn happy to go at full speed, it was the *** who dragged the time so long initially with the endless questions, how ironic.

 

After the presentation, I just sat down and chill my brain. Overworked. Haha. But seein Kenneth’s presentation which was directly after mine, I do feel that *** was really being even more harsh on him, then I actually felt better (that’s mean I know, but it is human nature, or my nature) and luckier perharps.

 

Now

Now what’s left in the last leg is to complete my thesis on this new material, this new chapter I am going to add. And after that I am off! I think I will really miss imre. I spent much more time there than in school for the past 2 semesters.

I havent been updating much these days. But with a little more free time at hand, i think i should.

 

Just finished my first and last paper, CN4223. Microelectronics thin film. Crazy paper. so much to write. 1st Question was 50 marks, 2nd question was 25marks, 3rd was also 25 marks. Wah lao, write the 50m question till my brain juice dried up, then no more juice for qn 2 and 3. Opened book,  but towards the end also no time to even open the book! It is like the answer is shouting from the book, "Write mi down, you dummy." but i just didnt have the time to really read the question and analyse the problem. Stupid, silly.But i m glad that it is over.

 

School's over. Going back to do some last minute work for my thesis. Been giving myself a break this weekend, cos my left my thick stack of readings in skool. wahaha..good excuse.

 

Been studying in skool for the past week, even though i hate it cos my understanding seemed to be progressing nowhere, but i think i ll kinda miss the place cos i m gg to leave this place so so soon! really regret not taking photos with the gals on the last day of skool.

 

So to my goodie frens, who still wans to take photo in skool please tell mi. Cos if i just go and take pics of it w/o anyone then meaningless le. Frens give the meaning in life. I know i have been seriously neglecting practically all my frens, keep promising that i ll catch up with them, in dec i said i would, now i said i would, but how much have i done? I have made a mess of my life, give mi time, i promise i ll make it up this time and make effort to keep together so that we dont drift apart even after we all move on to our working lives.